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[The meeting with the Project Head had turned so quickly wrong. Zelos only wishes he could say he was surprised. He wasn't. All of his bad decisions thrown out and broadcast across the entire ship via the network. Meetings he never knew had been recorded, but hadn't exactly ruled out the possibility... Information shared that he had been so reluctant to give away but still came across quite blunt in text form.

Everything. And yet... not everything. No signs of his motives, no recorded meetings of the Project Head showing him pictures of his sister supposedly safe and sound in some place without him. There was just him as the villain.

Not only did he have that to deal with, but the physical fight between himself and the Head had gone over equally well. That is to say not well at all. No amount of angel skills (which he noticed were a lot more tiring here than normal) or magic or melee could take care of the guy. Made out of water... He was tricky too. Smart.

And Zelos had been forced to visit the clinic afterwards to deal with his own wounds as best as he could. With the message out for all to see, he hardly felt it was necessary to message Jack. ...Maybe Jack was upset after all. Or didn't realize the extent... He knows he got an earful of Sheena earlier, and that was enough to twist his hope into something a little more bitter.

He was just going to finish cleaning off the blood and go find somewhere to sit and think, maybe. Somewhere away from people so he doesn't have to sit through another speech of how could you where he can't defend himself. Where he doesn't want to.]

I really messed up, huh... [Quietly, he mumbles this to himself, pausing from what he's doing to rest his hands on the counter and stare down at it. He's such a mess, really.]

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[As his head lowers back to meet Jack, he can only watch as the other shifts in position. Not only that, but stares... At his wings. Understandably, of course, but the feeling is still so very unpleasant that he uncrosses his legs and sits up. It's something of a struggle, really, to leave them out long enough for Jack to get a good look like he clearly wants, and so when those eyes finally do pry away from them and slide to his own, his wings vanish from behind him and he moves to lean forward, resting his arms over his knees as he looks to the other.]

It's not what anyone thinks it is. Angels... Or the whole Chosen system, or the church, even the world. [That's a little dark, he knows, and he lets it sit in the air for a moment because of that. Of course he notices that Jack turns away to move off like that. And of course he's curious, lifting himself to stand up and off the bed now as he watches the other's back.]

'It never really is'... Sounds pretty jaded, you know. [The joking is surprisingly light, but there nonetheless.]

[That is pretty dark, and really, the whole thing's quite a bit of food for thought. That Zelos would be dealing with something like that, this entire time...not that Jack would be so selfish as to say that he could relate, by any capacity--the concept's pretty different all around--and yet...]

[He absently slips a hand in his hoodie pocket, the last remark earning a glance over his shoulder; he turns around, takes a few steps away from the end of the bed and towards Zelos as he stands up, off the bed.]

Jaded? Well, I guess...I don't know. Getting picked for anything without really getting a say in it-- [a slight shrug] --s'never that great, especially when it's something pretty important...they tell you that you got chosen because you've got something special in your heart, and--assure you it's definitely right and there totally hasn't been any mistake at all and that really, you should just roll with it--and figure it out for yourself, if you really wanna know things that bad, because Manny forbid you ever ask the guy who makes these decisions why. Get a big load of radio silence for a couple of centuries for your trouble--

[And Jack halts a couple of feet away from Zelos, then, with a short sigh and a glance sideways at nothing in particular, as he cuts that particular thought short before it can unwind itself any further. Where had he been planning to go with that? Maybe as some sort of exchange thing, for the information that Zelos had seemed so unhappy about diverging himself--for all that Jack's return is probably far too vague to be any good at all.]

[So, when he does glance back up at him, there's a slight wry smile back in place.]

Personally I like trying to keep the green glasses off, but sometimes--maybe it just comes with being an old codger or something, huh? According to some people, anyway...

[It's very vague, yes, but at the same time... It paints the picture clear enough. Jack was chosen for something? And having to deal with years upon years of not knowing why and getting no answers-- the set up is clear enough to figure out what Jack must have been through. At least the base of it.

And honestly? There's a small frown as Jack begins speaking. Picked for something... If this had been another case of any sort of twisted Chosen type system, it would not be okay, and even on Zelos' face the concern is clear for a moment before he wipes it away by glancing down and rocking a bit on his feet.

Jumping to defensively ranting about how these things aren't fair at all and demanding to know what Jack's had to deal with... It's not exactly what he feels he should be doing. He was sharing his own stuff because he felt like he owed it, and then Jack's sharing stuff back? It's kind of funny. (He doesn't deserve any of this conversation...)]

I bet age doesn't help, sure, but I feel like it's something that 'comes with' these types of situations more than anything else.

[Not just age. Even Mithos had the right situation to set him off.

...Hm. But all of that aside, Zelos takes a few more steps closer to Jack, until they're closer than most would deem comfortable conversation distance. That's normal for Zelos, sure, but the suddenly serious expression on his face is something a little more rare. But he wants to know. He's selfish and curious and a little hopeful and can't he just...--

...]

Why are you here? [That comes out far too revealing of a desperate tone, wanting to hear the right answer, and he quickly adds onto it to make up for it. It's too blunt, after all.] I mean... No one's happy with me right now. If you stick around, they're probably going to start blaming you for stuff too.

[People with fear can be pretty crazy.]

[No, it's nothing as twisted as the Chosen system, not really--though maybe that's more a matter of perspective, and what you think of the way the Man in the Moon goes about these things. After becoming a Guardian and everything concerning the conflict with Pitch leading up to that, Jack wouldn't have tagged it a necessarily bad thing, and in the end he's happier for it... (But he'd be lying if he said he wasn't still the slightest bit bitter about the sheer lack of communication right up until then, because three hundred years of silence is a bit difficult to forget, no matter how well things might turn out in the end...)]

[(Not to mention how he'd apparently been the only one that'd had his memories wiped after the transition, to boot--)]

[But Zelos's reaction to that is pretty interesting all the same, in a way. Something that 'comes with' these types of situations... that's a succinct way of putting it too, in a way, and that by itself is enough to earn a curious look from Jack. With the implication that maybe their situations aren't so separate after all, if the latter can make an accurate connection like that...]

[Still, even before he can start musing over that, Zelos is already moving again, and shifting the vein of the conversation in that abrupt way he always does; approaching a bit closer than might have been normally comfortable, too (also nothing actually new), and Jack doesn't give any ground this time, tilting his head up a bit to frown at him a bit at that question.]

[He'd have to be deaf to miss that initial desperate tone, after all, for all that Zelos might try to lighten it by adding on to it.]

...You're right, nobody's exactly happy with you at the moment. You went off and pulled a reverse-mole and almost got yourself killed too--I don't think I've ever heard of anybody being able to pull that off and keep everyone happy at the same time. [a simple shrug, though Jack keeps steady eye-contact with the latter as well as he's able, and that belies the casual air] Don't really see what there is to be worried about, though. I don't think you understand just how often I've been blamed for stuff over the years...

[And here, at length, the wry smile returns.]

It's practically my calling card at this point. Definitely not enough to keep me from sticking with somebody when I know they're on the right side of things. --Especially if they're a friend.

[Even if 'friend' sounds a bit...odd now, for some reason, in this context. Maybe it's something to do with the subject matter, and maybe it's something to do with how close they're standing to each other, too--but it's the term that Jack knows best, the closest thing he's ever been able to assign for a thing like this.]

[It's hard to ignore all of the things Zelos hates about himself even while listening to something as nice as this. Jack goes on about how he's got no reason not to stay, how he's intent on staying, actually, and then calls him a friend-- not just the word itself though. The honesty behind it. And of course he notices how it's changed from how he said it the first week, or the second week.

It's... nice. But it feels wasted on him. But he doesn't want it to go away, all the same. He hates that he doesn't know what to do about this. That he probably looks a little surprised, a little touched-- who knows what else is showing on his face, and honestly that's something of a scary thought for him.

Being open for what he owed to Jack is fine, but his emotions are a whole other story. He doesn't want to hold them back completely, of course, but having them just written across his face--...

They're standing so close. He did this he knows, but. It's not like Jack seems to mind.]

[And so it's probably an asshole move. He's pretty positive it is, in his mind, but that's what he's full of, isn't it? Distracting things like this to show what he's feeling while hiding it all the same. A mixture that no one's ever really seemed sure on how to react to, and that just means less for him to face head on.

Suddenly, his face seems really energetic as he bursts out with a cheerful laugh, reaching out and placing a hand on Jack's shoulder. A friendly gesture, at first, sure--]

Aw, you're going to make me blush! ♥ [He is so hideous even he knows. Blushing isn't really his thing... It's rare that he's capable of it, and anyway, his goal here is really more to see if he can make Jack turn that nice shade of pink again. Turn the situation away from things and towards things all at the same time...]

I'm pretty weak against people saying things like that. [Honesty, actually, as joking as it sounds, and there's something of a smirk as he leans down to meet his eyes. Actually, it might seem a bit familiar, right before he closes any distance remaining for a quick kiss on the lips.

Much quicker than before, at least. Mostly because he's afraid if he makes it too much longer he'll be shoved away, and that would just be hard to deal with.]

[It's a bit of a guessing game in itself, trying to figure out how Zelos is going to react to any of this half the time. But even keeping a fairly open mind about it, it usually ends up being a surprise anyway.]

[And it's a surprise here, as Zelos bursts into a cheerful laugh--which is an exceptionally sharp contrast from the expression that had started across his face mere seconds earlier, an expression that had seemed pretty torn between something surprised and something touched, odd enough in itself (Zelos hardly tends to be open with them, as Jack's come to notice somewhat peripherally; notice and maybe even envy slightly, what with his own inability to get the whole hiding-emotions thing down at all yet...)]

[That's what makes the laugh so unexpected, in a way it wouldn't have been by itself. And Jack only has time to blink, because before he can formulate some snippish reply for that remark about Zelos being weak to compliments apparently ('oh, and here I was thinking you lived off them all this time', never coming to verbal fruition), there's a warm hand on his shoulder, and Zelos is leaning down to meet his eyes, and--]

[Ah--]

[It is familiar, this time, which lends itself to about two seconds' worth of mental warning that's entirely useless. That same bafflingly warm sensation of a mouth meeting his, there and gone again (much more quickly than last time), and still more than enough to send that same odd tingle from before shooting through his spine and rendering him a bit frozen in place again. But at the very least the seizing up doesn't last quite as long as it had last time, and Jack is relaxing again, shifts back on his heels only slightly and purely from reflex as he huffs a startled breath afterwards, eyes wide and blinking.]

[While, invariably, Zelos achieves his goal, what with the flush returning full force (oh for goodness's sake how do you stop this thing ugh), considerably more prominent than before--enough so, in fact, that the oddly purple tint to it is a bit more visible, doubtless a bit off from the typical pink that would have been normally expected. (His blood circulation is a bit odd, like that--)]

[But all that aside, it's all the more ridiculous because the guy's just so composed about it, really...for his part, Jack ducks his head even as his eyes flick back upwards, probably more obviously flustered than he would have preferred by a long shot, because this stupid blush really needs to get out and just--]

--Uh-- [so smooth okay no this is still ridiculous pull yourself together man--] --Okay, geez, is this gonna...start being a new habit of yours? Just outta curiosity...

[Still no shove. As expected, he didn't make it too long, but even his words are more embarrassed than too angry... They seem more annoyed that he's been so caught off guard.

Well, or maybe that's just natural with this stuff.]

Ahahaha! [His laugh, at least, is more genuine than it's usually prone to being. That blush isn't just pink, it's purple (both colors which Zelos rather likes, actually, but why is he thinking about that all of a sudden?), and the way he ducks his head like that... Oh man. It's... amusing. Cute, even. Fun, too fun to be fair, and he feels a little guilty.

A little.]

Did I embarrass you? [Of course he did, he can see that, and that's exactly why he asks, releasing his shoulder and grinning far too proudly.

As for that question... Heh.]

It could be... [And a simple shrug is added as he spins around and takes a step back. Mostly to keep his own beaming at this whole thing to himself, goodness.]

[That grin is indeed way too proud to be legal, and Jack is sure to pay it back with a justified frown of his own. More indignant about the whole surprised aspect, it's true--though that's more because it's the easiest reaction to summon up, something fairly familiar and reasonable when he doesn't think on it too much.]

[Because thinking on it just make it more strange, makes it uncertain and still--difficult, to really wrap his head around (the whole one person thing is still quite fresh in memory), even after a day gone by to process it. Thinking about it like that still rings up the distinct feeling that there must be some kind of mistake here, some kind of--fluke, because there's no way a guy like Zelos could--could he--?]

[But thinking about it like the whole kissing gesture is just part of an elaborate sort of humor doesn't really work, either, doesn't really fit, because Zelos always seems to do do a lot of odd touchy things that make people react, but kissing...]

[He's truly terrible at this, as one of Jack's thoughts remarks wryly. Not that lack of experience is particularly new, but it's never bothered him quite this much before, because this is kind of important to figure out and--]

No, it didn't. [Lies, blatant lies, but Jack'll hold onto them anyway, because he's still got some pride left on him; he pulls his head out of its ducking, straightening so as to better be properly indignant.] It's just--doing that out of nowhere, like--

[Oh, look and him stepping away and spinning around like that. Like he hadn't been battered up enough to look as if he'd been tossed under a steam roller just hours before. Jack doesn't know whether to feel pleased or relieved or supremely irritated about that, and so all three of those blend together into an expression of their own, because he can practically feel all that beaming going on there, even when the guy has his back turned.]

And why's that? [The question's out before Jack even completely realizes it, and it's only after the words are out that he realizes just how weighty the inquiry might be after all. Pretty direct, anyway, in a way that he'd been actually trying to avoid since yesterday, in a way that has too much potential to go awry, but...well, can't take that back now. So he leaves it at that, after a moment's hesitation, swinging his staff over his shoulder and taking a step back himself as he watches Zelos a bit uncertainly.]

Out of nowhere, huh?

[Zelos spends a few more moments with his arms in that shrug before dropping them with a quiet sigh that's barely audible. That question is blunt indeed. He's torn between just dropping the conversation and moving along, like before, but that curious part of himself is wanting to pry more. He hasn't been met with rejection yet, exactly. Why not keep seeing...?

No. He doesn't-- ah, but he does... Man he's really tired of these arguments with himself!]

You can't tell me you're that dense. [And there it is, all of a sudden. Blunt, a little harsh, and just enough of a pause before he's turning around to face him again, something of a bitter smirk on his face.

He just tilts his head, observing Jack for a bit longer before adding almost too cheerily:] I'm surprised you didn't hit me.

[It's blunt alright; but that's justified enough. Bluntness in return for earlier bluntness, and Jack figures he probably does deserve it.]

[But really, all things considered, he almost wishes he was that dense, if only because--]

[Because, well...]

[And when Zelos turns around Jack's still standing where he had been before, staff still shouldered--though that said staff is fidgeting a bit, now, because the hand holding it is, turning it slightly between fingertips intimately familiar with every single whorl and gnarl in that section of wood. Something of a consoling habit--though, here, it really does little in the face of all this.]

[Jack's frame bends slightly, shifts sideways, free hand rising in a single gesture that's already half-forgotten. And that same brief expression from yesterday is probably back now, the surprised and uncertain and slightly, uniquely frightened one.]

[Because he's not that dense, not that dense at all, not after three hundred years of roaming unseen among humanity, and if there's one thing that matters to humans more than anything else, it's--]

[But--]

Nobody's ever-- [The sentence dies before it even rises properly, and Jack sighs, wayward free hand finally traveling up to fruitlessly brush his bangs out of his eyes, before he draws back upright to look at Zelos.] ...I don't remember--if I'd ever had a relationship. Before.

[There, that's the word. 'Relationship'. And 'before' as in 'before the lake' and 'before the moon', though whether Zelos would be able to pick up on that...Jack isn't sure at all. And the whole statement in itself is entirely inadequate, doesn't even begin to properly explain exactly what it is he thinks about...all of this. About Zelos being so bluntly direct about the whole prospect. About the fact that, apparently, he's confident enough in the decision (or the feeling, or--something) that kisses are already a given, at it's just...]

[He doesn't know where to start at all. But there's something a bit pained, in the way he says that, even try as Jack might to keep it tamped down.]

[How this is ever going to get across is anyone's guess, it really is.]

[Ah. There's the more serious side of things, and the smirk fades from Zelos' face until really it's just a shadow of what had been there before. Even still, he takes a step closer again, waiting until he's right beside him to fall back into a seat at the edge of the side of the bed again.]

You don't remember? [He's not surprised, and in fact wouldn't be surprised if Jack never had. He picked up enough on things to know he had been invisible to most for years. To know that he was chosen for this... spirit thing, possibly? But he couldn't know anything more than vague guesses like that.]

I've never had one. [It's sudden, honest, and maybe surprising to hear (or is it?), but Zelos spits it out rather easily, leaning back on his hands with a casual glance across the room. Anywhere he can focus his eyes that isn't a person.]

I mean, if we're talking about serious stuff. Feelings and attachment and not just one night flings with noblewomen who wanted something from me or who I needed favors of... [That sounds pretty bad, but it is that bad. So.]

...Hah, I can't believe I'm talking about this. [Raising one of his hands, he sits up straight again and presses the palm of his hand to his face, lowering his head a bit.] Look, I'm not-- I didn't mean to--

[HOW DOES HE WORD THIS. ...Honesty. Honesty, he supposes, is working... decently.]

I thought I was going to die. I could go off and betray the Project Head, get in my last attempt, be killed once and for all... I wouldn't have to be the Chosen One anymore. My sister would get the title, hell, the world would probably be better off, I wouldn't go through with any of those bad ideas I had back at home... [He trails off. It makes sense, right? He just said it to get it off his chest. He didn't mean to press Jack with obligation to respond to it (even if he is questioning him now, isn't he? he's just so needy, he knows, he's curious and lonely and is that so wrong...)]

I was just trying to... run away, I guess. You don't have to worry about me.

[He watches for a moment as Zelos settles down on the bed again--and follows to sit down on the edge himself, right next to the guy, in a surprisingly normal semblance of posture; frame folds in, staff gets laid across his knees with both hands curled around the middle. Hopefully Zelos doesn't mind the chilly proximity...]

[He sits, and he listens, as Zelos sets down the surprisingly honest confession. Never had a relationship...Jack's not entirely sure whether to feel surprised about that or not. Because Zelos does command the fluid ease and confidence of a guy that gets around, no doubt about it--but then again, that isn't exactly the same thing anyway, now is it...? So Zelos confirms himself, moments after the fact, and Jack flicks a glance sideways at him as he then goes on to say that fragmented bit, and press a hand to his face...]

[He goes on to say that last bit, and Jack turns his head to get a well and proper look at him, with a very real frown now in place. Because it does click, now, and it does make a bit more sense, but--geez--]

...That's gotta be one of the most terrible plans I've ever heard of. And I've heard a lot of really bad plans. [So the words finally rise up, at length, and if there's a fleck of reprimand in there, well--maybe that's not entirely incidental.] The world would not be better off, and your sister--

[A bit of a break, then, as he glances away and stares down at the staff across his knees again, for a moment.]

--That's a terrible thing to do to your sister. Don't do that to your sister.

[And his hands tighten around his staff, and there's a certain sort of tightness to his voice, right there--]

[But no, now's not the time to let his own feelings seep into something that's still not--really any of his business. And he almost regrets saying that already, but that had been past memories speaking out, centuries spent defending the happiness of small children of the elder-and-younger sibling variety and otherwise, and the poignant image of feeling the ground crack, fall away, with his one last sight being the look on her face--]

[It's just a moment's pause--an inhale and an exhale--and with that, the tenseness drains away. Another moment, and then Jack leans over very slightly, just enough to bump a shoulder with the latter and simply leave it at that for now. Because he feels like it, and he'd always wondered what it might be like, seeing other people do it.]

[...It's warm. The kind of warm that stays and sinks, and doesn't pass through and ring hollow. And now his own eyes are set forward, looking at nothing in particular.]

Doesn't matter anyway, I guess. Tried to run away all you could, but here you are now. S'what really counts in the end, doesn't it?

[He's quiet again for a few moments, after that.]

I just...it's kind of crazy. Well, to me. I've--gone around for a long time, and it's everywhere, always, doesn't matter what might be going on or how bad things are. ...There's always been people together. But a guy like me, though...I. Figured it'd be something I'd never reach, y'know? So I never...

[He trails off, then. Because the words run out, and finding the rest of them is still more harder than not, all things considered...but if Zelos is going to put in the effort for this, Jack figures he might as well too.]

[Easier said than done, but well.]

[He actually looks over when Jack comments on the situation with his sister. He'd noticed something before, at the mere mention of a sister, but then this... It's just something that he sort of files away in the back of his mind without really realizing it, blinking and frowning and immediately shoving away the idea that his sister could even need him around. Want him around...

But he holds it back just for a moment, because suddenly the cold presence next to him is now leaning against him, shoulder to shoulder, and the chill that runs through him is nothing unpleasant at all. Even as he stiffens in the surprise of it, glances down at his own lap, awkwardly still before he relaxes a bit himself and leaves it at that as well.

Physical contact at all from this guy is something he had certainly noticed wasn't just passed out. Wasn't anything he even seemed used to.

The cold feels nice in contrast to his own warmth. A refreshing reminder that he is here, after all. Sitting next to Jack. Not dead, and... still human, at the end of it all. Maybe it's not so bad.]

You're too modest. [Simply, he replies like that, thinking. Clearly Jack had some issues with not being seen for years on years, and Zelos feels that in a backwards sort of way he can relate. Being known by everyone in title and title alone, all these expectations and responsibilities and nothing personal at all... It's strange how things can compare.

But all of that aside... Jack's a great guy. One always trying to do the right thing, helping out others, making things better for others, putting the worries of himself aside-- Zelos has noticed all of that. Who couldn't? He's not the corny type to exactly list all of these things off in succession or anything, but that doesn't mean he can't mention it vaguely like this.] Even barely knowing what you've been through, seeing the things you do and the way you care about people... [Not to mention all of the more personal areas he'd hit.] You're amazing.

[WELL NOW that was the corniest thing he'd said in a while, but he says it so casually he can make it look... simple and true.

And just like that, he's moving on back to the old, first topic. Finally looking up from his lap and to Jack next to him.]

I'm not like that. I could never be like that. [Even now he can't help the way his mind flashes back to that time. Being young, playing in the snow-- the rush of red and the look on his mother's face as she fell and grabbed him. The feelings in his stomach as she told him how worthless he was.

The look of Seles' mother after that, before she was executed. She had wanted him dead.

And so maybe emotion slips through a bit more as he tries to emphasize this.]

You don't understand how my entire life has ruined my sister's. She hates me. [She has to...] She should have been the Chosen.

Edited 2013-05-06 03:54 (UTC)

[It's remarkably corny, true, but--despite what he might always say to the contrary--Jack wouldn't fault him so much for that. (He himself has had his fair share of corny moments, after all.) Still, even corniness aside, the words are entirely unexpected, and ring with a simple honesty that has Jack drawing in a surprised breath and a surprised glance to match it, looking back over to meet the latter's eyes again. It's certainly a compliment, and high praise at that, almost uncomfortably so (especially coming from a guy like Zelos); and so, the slight smile that rises despite himself is accompanied by a shift in place and a slight shrug alongside it. After a moment, he glances away again, almost sheepishly.]

[For anybody else there would have been some preening, be it of the genuine or framed variety, but here, in a conversation like this, plied in a comparison like that...]

I don't know about that. [Eyes roam harriedly over the sparse appliances of the clinic room, and then back over to Zelos again, as if searching out a diversion's just more trouble than it's worth. And besides--] And you don't know about that either. Not for sure. You tend to talk yourself up a lot...but you just don't think very highly of yourself at all, huh?

Have you ever figured maybe some people do think highly of you?

[There, the result of doing his own brand of observation over the weeks they've known each other on this ship; a result that Jack might have never verbalized normally, might have never really arrived at as a certain conclusion himself, except now the evidence really does come together, after the conversation they've had here.]

[And he's almost positive that Zelos doesn't figure that, not in the least. Which is something of a shame in itself, really...someone able to read other people so well even despite, and would go so far as to overcome temptation in favor of sticking it out for his friends, even to such a bitter end as a fight with the Project Head himself--Zelos is a genuinely decent guy, as far as Jack's concerned, and that's truthfully something that doesn't exactly come a dime a dozen.]

[But unlike Zelos, he's not so good at figuring out how to actually say something like that--has never had the experience for it, corny or no--and so the rest of that goes unspoken, and the can only hope that last sentence goes over as he wanted it to; that Zelos could catch the implication of it.]

[And now they're shifting back to the first topic, again--which is less startling, but no less unhappy in its own way, and Jack's smile fades promptly alongside it.]

[Because man, but it really is difficult not to project onto this somehow...and Zelos's actual words on the subject don't help things any. Hates...siblings sometimes do say that, and Jack's not so naive as to think that a relationship like that would never arise, and yet something in him still rebels against the idea, when it's put in relation to Zelos himself. Because, as far as Jack's concerned, it still just doesn't make--sense--]

--Is she older or younger than you? [It's an abrupt and intent question, when it finally comes out at length.]

[Those words from Jack are surprising enough to gain a glance, but somehow Zelos can only find himself smiling. A default smile, one that comes with a laugh at the actual surprise of the implication. Think highly? Of him? Why would anyone?

But he finds himself thinking on it a bit longer all the same, a drawn out argument in his head as he leans towards Jack just enough to give something of a playful shoulder nudge in return. Hm.]

What ever gave you that idea? The Great Zelos Wilder, envied by all for his looks, wealth and status of Chosen...

[Ah, but the way he says it is all so clear. So his self esteem issues really shone through like that? How embarrassing. Of course he's going to deny it. Deny it and jokingly talk himself up, all while pointedly addressing the things that he's sure people do envy about him. The things that don't matter at all.

But he wants that to drop, and so after his joking passes, he'll readily answer the question about Seles.]

Younger. She's 15.

[--Well. Worth a shot. Jack couldn't say that'd been the reaction he'd been hoping for, but then again, the levels of sincerity that Zelos has been showing for the bulk of this conversation are already well beyond normal. Asking for much more than that, already...would probably just be selfish. One thing at a time, here.]

[So for the meantime Jack shifts along with the latter's apparent desire to nudge the subject away, and responds to the physical nudge at his shoulder with an absently exaggerated rock sideways in the opposite direction, before he settles in place again, still leaning in return, flicking over a glance with wryly arched eyebrows accompanying.]

Oh, I couldn't say...maybe it was just a hunch.

[And maybe there's a hint of something almost a bit sad (or even sympathetic), in the tone there.]

[But he already told himself he wasn't going to pursue that subject any further.]

[Which leads right over into that other vein, which is a handful of issues in and of itself, really...and at that ready answer, the shift in Jack's mood is almost palpable; abruptly, he draws a bit more upright, head turning to look directly at Zelos again, all trace of amusement and everything else evaporating in favor of a frown.]

[An almost reprimanding frown...]

Then that's the sticking point. [In a voice that's a lot stronger now, both slightly in volume and noticeably in conviction, certainty--no doubt here, not the same way there'd been doubt for a good portion of this conversation up until now. Because this, at least, is a topic that Jack knows well, and maybe it's the Guardian part of him finally seeing fit to set in now, in the face of an issue that strikes him as pretty clear-cut as far as answers go.] That's--you know what that means. You're older, you're--you're her older brother.

[Staff shifts up and away from his lap, the butt of it slipping down to the floor so it can be stood upright, and Jack leans forward onto it a bit, frown still never wavering, eyes still pinning the latter down with the closest (and first) equivalent to almost-anger that's showed up ever since Jack walked into the room.]

It doesn't matter--so maybe she does hate you, just because you're around, for some reason--maybe she does. But what does that matter? It doesn't matter at all. You're her older brother, and older brothers--look out for their little sisters.

[And, with a sharp breath, Jack turns away, the one hand still on his staff hiking up a bit higher--because he has no idea what the expression on his face might look like, but maybe it's probably better that it isn't seen...]

How do you expect to take care of her if you're not around?

[There's another look at Jack's first words. The joking reply to a topic agreed to be dropped like this, but he's not sure how to react to the thoughts it brings up. And so he only offers something of a smile in return as he looks somewhere else, listening.

Listening, and eventually looking again, because this is a strong argument from Jack, isn't it? An argument that doesn't just come from an opinion formed by watching. He's pretty certain in that.]

I know. [It takes so much of his own energy not to frown just yet, but he manages with a weak smile and a sigh of a laugh instead, shaking his head.] You had a sister, didn't you?

[Had... was it had? It's all he can think of.

But that's deflecting, and that's not fair, and so he relents shortly after.]

That's exactly how I want to look out for her. If she has my title, she'd be set for life. Money, power, freedom-- people wouldn't be able to look at her and see her as anything wrong or out of place.

[This just... This doesn't work without the context does it? And so there's a heavy pause, and Zelos looks away from Jack and to the other side of the clinic instead.]

She's my half sister. My father, the last chosen... He never loved my mother. It was an arranged marriage, so it was only natural that he'd have someone on the side. A half-elf. [...This was so hard to share. But thinking on it, Lloyd had told him he shared information like this with him in some... future. So. Maybe it's not as strange as he thinks.

But it still makes him pause with a tired, breathy sigh. This probably all sounds so stupid and dramatic.] I don't know... It's not exactly simple. But I'm not taking care of her now, so what difference does it make?

Edited 2013-05-06 21:54 (UTC)

['Had'.]

[It's a perfectly reasonable question. A given question, and given phrasing, with a topic like this, with the way Jack's been addressing it. And yet the pang that comes immediately after Zelos asks that...it still strikes more deep and acute than it probably ought to, by now.]

[Jack shifts, and then stands up--because sitting still just won't work out, here, it's too--he paces forward a bit, slowly, staff absently flicking up into a proper grip, head bowing--]

...Yeah. [The word almost comes out in a slight laugh in itself--if only because, if there's a laugh to go over that, if he just keeps his tone light enough, then maybe--] Yeah, I did. About, four years old, I think--tiny. Long brown hair. ...Best ice skater I'd ever seen.

[He stops pacing, a couple of feet from the bed. Sighs.]

[It's something of a deflection, sure, but he...doesn't mind it so much. Because he probably does owe Zelos that, at least. Something of an explanation. (Nowhere near the full and proper one, but it's still so difficult to lay out, the right words...) So it's only a small pause before he turns around to face Zelos again, with a frown that's lighter this time.]

[But definitely sympathetic, in its own way.]

So she might have your title...but she wouldn't have you. And is that what she wants? Do you know?

[Half-elf...the additional context helps things a bit, though there's probably more context under that which Jack isn't picking up just yet. Some sort of societal thing, maybe...but either way, Zelos's last statement earns a steady look.]

None of us can really take care of anybody, while we're on this ship. But we're gonna get off eventually. And in the time between then and now--well, whether time stops at home or not...she'll still be there, and you'll still be getting back eventually.

--But I know it's probably not as easy as that, so...I don't know. [And with that Jack shifts to glance away and start pacing again, making a slow circuit to the other side of the bed.]

[So he did. And the description is enough to make Zelos frown further as he watches Jack step away, eyes following his back until he turns around to face him like that.]

I'm sorry. [He's not sure what else to say, honestly. And at the questions that follow-- does he know? Well, if he thinks about it that way he guesses, he doesn't really know but... They've barely spoken over the past years. Every bit of his existence is the reason for why she's locked up like she is.

Eventually he shifts himself, because sitting alone on the bed like this is less appealing now, and he takes a few steps across the room, but away from Jack. Back to him, in fact, as he thinks on how to approach continuing this conversation.

This is too much all at once. He's surprised the guy has stuck around.]

I wasn't a double mole from the start, you know. [It's out of nowhere, but clearly serious. He doesn't want to turn and see Jack's face, or he's hesitant to, but he's listening between his own words.]

The Project Head approached me one day and asked me to do it. Asked me what it would take. [It's clear he's not fond of his own way of thinking in this situation.] I told him if he could keep my sister safe... If he could put her somewhere she wouldn't just be locked up and blamed for the crimes of someone else, I'd betray everyone I'd met on board to give him information.

It's not like I had good intentions from the start. I knew what I was doing.

...No, don't--apologize.

[The words aren't angry, or even particularly unhappy. Just something between calm and resigned, and when Jack pauses again at the other side of the bed, looking up at that apology, there's finally a slight smile back in place.]

[One that seems more tired (and sad) than particularly happy.]

It's... That was a really long time ago. But she was alright, in the end. She made it out okay, after I fell, and--I was never around, after that. Because I forgot. ...But she was alright. With any luck she grew up and lived a full life and died happy, so--it's nothing to apologize about.

['With any luck', because he really doesn't know, and--probably won't ever know, really. What might have become of her. Too much, too late, and it's been a long while of wrestling between thinking about it and trying not to think about it, ever since he started remembering again.]

[In the end it's neither here nor there, now.]

...Still, I think I could--maybe kind of see why you'd have done that. Taking a deal like that from the Project Head. Because you thought it'd help her the best, at that time, huh?

--These guys do know everything about us, seems like. He was probably expecting you to make a deal like that.

[And now he's watching Zelos steadily again, as he speaks, staff shouldered and free hand pocketed in that familiar sort of posture.]

[Still not really angry, or disappointed, or even particularly surprised. Just...sort of searching.]

But you changed your mind.

You forgot...?

[There's a quiet pause after that as he thinks on it. How horrible. He can't even imagine... And he doesn't want to pry of course, but he's surprised he's even being granted this information at all.

In fact, they're both here opening up quite a lot aren't they? At the realization, he raises an arm to rub at the back of his neck, glancing to the bed as Jack continues.]

...Yeah. It's really not like me. [There's a small tug at the corner of his lips as he turns to face Jack now, dropping his arm away from his neck.] But I got tired of running all the time. It's harder this way, but... watching a few hot-headed friends of mine... [There's a grin there actually, as he says that, and a very pointed look across at Jack.]

I can find a way to fix things without giving up. Without taking the easy route. ...But, well, I don't know how much that's gonna work now that I've already made the mistake, but we'll see.

[Jack simply shrugs slightly, at the first question, staff lifting and falling back to his shoulder with the gesture.]

They say the Man in the Moon works in strange ways. Apparently you don't usually forget, if you get chosen...but I did. So yeah.

[Maybe it's a rather belittling way to put it, like that--especially when his own opinion hadn't been nearly as calm and lenient so much as a year ago--but it's been a very long time since that year, and a lot of things have changed.]

[No use getting so worked up over it when you've finally got the answers you were wanting all that time, more or less.]

[That said, they both are opening up quite a bit here, and it's an odd feeling. Odd, but...not entirely unpleasant.]

[Zelos says, that, though, and it's finally enough to earn something of an almost-grin in return, despite everything.]

Us hot-headed friends have gotta be good for something, I guess. [And, with a slight laugh, Jack starts idly retracing his steps back to Zelos's side of the bed again.] But that's right. You can. And you figured that for yourself. Which is why I still trust you, and--why I think everyone else will, too. Eventually. Some people find it harder to let go of mistakes than others, but in the end...well, we all mess up every now and then.

S'what we do about it, after the fact, that matters the most.

[Is he speaking from experience? Maybe a little bit. But in the end that's how Jack would figure it even without the experience.]

...Heh. This is getting to be too much for me, Jack! My warm heart has all but melted away.

[And he had said he could only make things cold... But the thick teasing Zelos lays on there clearly isn't enough for all of this opening up, and as he takes a few steps of his own to meet up with Jack, he places his hands on his hips and leans in real close.

Almost like a past two similar events... But this time nothing follows, and he just watches.]

I guess I'll give this not running away thing a shot.

[Oh.]

[Well, in retrospect, that probably had come off pretty cheesy somehow...]

[And so that prod at temperatures--or Jack's lack thereof--certainly doesn't go unnoticed in that first remark (three hundred years and one's bound to be on the brunt end of cold or heat puns somehow or another); in fact, it ends up earning a glance up and a short laugh that's tinged with something almost appreciative. The mood in the room had definitely gotten pretty heavy up to this point, and maybe Zelos isn't entirely the only one that can't really pull off being too serious for too long...]

[Not to mention there's other things going on now, other things involving Zelos stepping up to meet him again, with that same particular closeness that's indeed pretty reminiscent of the last two times.]

[And maybe Jack's thoughts are getting better at picking up on this sort of thing and warning in advance, now. Or at least, that's the first perfectly logical reason that'd he'd have tried to go with, if he were pressed to explain why he suddenly finds himself straightening with the latter's closing vicinity, tilting his head up almost curiously as Zelos puts his hands on his hips and leans in like that again--and at this sort of closeness the warmth of the other guy's almost palpable, and Jack's leaning in too despite himself, closing in the distance even more, until it's almost nonexistent between them, and it'd be so easy to just lift his head and--the warmth of it'd be--]

[With a slight exhale that might have almost been another tiny laugh of its own, albeit one to himself, Jack draws back after a second or two--though he doesn't take any steps and holds his ground, at least, settling his weight on his heels--and the smile tugging at his lips now is a fairly amused one.]

[Maybe very slightly tinged with just the slightest bit of something teasing--]

Well, that's good. First times for everything. Might be better for you if you did, anyway--with the way you define 'running away', I wouldn't be surprised if one of your friends resorted to punching you out the next time you tried.

[Jack himself included. Maybe. The tone is quite amiably innocent in that regard.]

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1/2 I am horrible

2/2 but not as horrible as zelos

OH MY GOD WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD...

LMFAO JACK.... GLFDJSGFDSGgdfkjglfdg

AWKWARDNESS FOREVER AND EVER......

and purple blush :'D

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